When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
