By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
