a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
