So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
