I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize