I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize