what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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