why do cheetos always look like penises
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
