is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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