we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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