You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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