glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
