My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
