i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
