even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
