You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
