P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
