he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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