Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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