I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
