I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
