i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize