I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
