Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
