they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
