i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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