just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
