Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
