Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
