Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
