He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
