I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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