Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need moral support for this bender
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
