Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
