Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
