is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
