They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Terrible idea I love it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
