Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
