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• (703): View more from Virginia

  i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  yes

  (703): View more from Virginia

  ... don't judge me

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.

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• (916): View more from California

  So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my vagina doesn't wear a watch

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"

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• (916): View more from California

  I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...

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