Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
