That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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