i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
