Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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