is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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