note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
