I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
