I am puke
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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