we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
