a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
