Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
