sarcasm needs its own font
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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