Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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