Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
