I faked an abortion last night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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