Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
