come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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