how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
