he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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